Breaking the silence: Honouring the quiet and sharing with care
Author: Dr Snita Ahir-Knight (she/her), Rākau Roroa, is a Lecturer and Programme Lead for the Lived Experience education and research programme World of Difference | He Ao Whakatoihara kore within the Department of Psychological Medicine, University of Otago – Ōtākou Whakaihu Waka, Wellington, Aotearoa New Zealand. Snita is a trained child and adolescent therapist, and social worker. She has more than 15 years’ experience working in the not-for-profit, community, and mental health sectors in New Zealand and the UK.
In this fourth and final reflection of my journey toward openness, I explore the power and responsibility that come with speaking out. I’ve learned that when we share our Lived Experiences, something profound occurs: not only do we begin to heal ourselves, but we also create space for others to do the same. By opening up, we challenge the silence and encourage others to share their stories. But this process isn’t just about speaking about our Lived Experiences; it also involves how we listen, respond, and consider the impact on those around us.
Listening is a crucial part of this journey. It’s more than hearing others; it’s about accepting their views, even when we disagree. In wanting to connect, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to fix someone’s experience or correct their perspective. But real listening means sitting with someone else’s views, understanding it for what it is, and allowing space for their experience, even when it differs from our own. This is where empathy holds its power. That is not in agreement, but in acceptance. Listening without judgement honours others’ feelings and validates their experiences, even when they don’t align with our own.
Sometimes, it also means sitting with their silence: honouring the moments when someone isn’t ready or able to speak, and being okay with that. Not every experience needs to be voiced to be valid. As I’ve reflected more deeply, I’ve come to see that silence itself also carries power. Sometimes, sitting in silence with another person, without rushing to fill the space with words, can be just as meaningful as speaking. Silence is not always avoidance; it can be a form of presence, a moment of respect, or a space for processing. In recognising this, I’ve learned that speaking out and sitting in silence are not opposites. They are both vital parts of human connection.
As I’ve shared my story, I’ve realised how important it is to consider the impact on those closest to me. Speaking out is deeply personal, but it can affect family, friends, and loved ones, especially if they’ve been part of those experiences. Sometimes, people we care about don’t fully understand our choice to be open and may feel overwhelmed or hurt by the attention it brings. These are the complex realities of transparency we don’t always anticipate.
Stock image credit: Aaron Burden (iris flower, named from the Greek messenger goddess, Iris.)
Because of this, I’ve learned to be aware of how my story intersects explicitly with others’ lives. Although I may be ready to share my experiences, I must also consider what that means for those around me. The challenge is to express my experiences in ways that respect others’ boundaries, without overexposing or speaking for them. Our stories are ours to tell, but the stories of others are not ours to share without their permission. It’s a delicate balance between owning our experiences and respecting the privacy of others.
Awareness also extends to the communities we build when we speak out. Sharing is powerful, but it comes with responsibility. When inviting others into the conversation, we need to foster an environment where people feel supported in sharing their own stories without fear of judgement or exploitation. Every person’s experience is unique and deserves care. By nurturing a culture of empathy and respect, we keep our shared space focused on healing and connection rather than competition or comparison.
Equally important is how we care for ourselves in this process. Opening up is emotionally demanding, and it’s easy to neglect ourselves. This is when self-care becomes essential. Our capacity to help is limited, which is why setting boundaries is crucial. Knowing when to step back, take a breath, and seek support ourselves helps sustain our advocacy.
But this care isn’t just about preserving our energy. It’s also about understanding the ripple effect of our advocacy. Speaking out opens the door for others to break their silences, building a network of shared experience. Every story shared, every person who feels seen and heard, chips away at the stigma. This process relies on trust, respect, and a shared commitment to lift each other up. As we share our experiences, we must protect the integrity of this space, ensuring it remains one of healing.
Ultimately, sharing our stories isn’t just about our individual journeys; it’s about creating a culture where everyone feels safe to be seen. It’s about making room for others to share their experiences or sit with them without fear of judgement. By listening deeply, sitting with silence, considering the impact on others, respecting boundaries, fostering a supportive environment, and practising self-care, we can build a world where people feel empowered to share, heal, and connect. In this way, speaking out becomes not only a personal journey but also a collective one, where every voice matters, and every silence is respected. For some, healing begins in words, for others, in the quiet. Both are valid. Both belong.